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NANOWRIMO STORY EPILOGUE
**~~NANOWRIMO STORY EPILOGUE~~**
Entry word count: 1983
For Story Notes, click here.
Now on to Entry 24:
Epilogue
In law, while developing case histories with critical raw data being fed through the organizational information net, one learnt to try and avoid forming blind spots.
Blind spots originated from many different things, most of which were a combination of both factual content and false assumptions. Personal taboos got enmeshed into the over all culture of the firm. Biases formed when information appeared which went against individual expectations. Raw data filtered through the organizational net sometimes got altered to a fundamentally deviant form by the time it reached the information pool. All of this contributed to the blind spot phenomena. If not caught early, it affected the ultimate direction the case proceedings took.
Melanie realized real life was not much different from case history strategizing, because she tended to form blind spots in her personal views all the freaking time.
She supposed it was an evidence of her humanity. She was flawed, she had biases, she harbored fears. Combine that with a mélange of real life experiences and fears germinating only in her subconscious, and you had a surefire recipe for forming tunnel vision and blind spots.
She’d always had strong opinions and she’d always clicked with people with strong opinions. That was one of the reasons why she’d fallen for Lindsay in the first place. They’d been together for sixteen years now—in love and pain and ecstasy and marriage and breakups and reunions and fallouts.
And that’s how long she’d known Brian Kinney.
He’d exasperated her from first sight. He was too arrogant, too overconfident, too selfish, and too much of a smart ass to be worthy of her trust. He took too many risks and all too often directed the lives of everyone around him like they were puppets on a string. He was irresponsible and hideously smug about his notorious exploits with no evidence of regret ever over any of his wrongdoings.
And Lindsay adored him. She worshiped him and defended him and wanted him to be an integral part of her life no matter what the cost. So when Lindsay asked him to give her a baby, and insisted on it despite Melanie’s strong objections, she knew she’d never be able to get rid of Brian. Never be able to underscore his influence in Lindsay’s decisions. He was too far ingrained into their lives to ever go away. He was the thorn in her side she couldn’t pull out no matter how hard she tried.
She now realized he’d always been her one blind spot.
Everything about him was torment to her. His love for Gus, his support for Lindsay, his influence over their family. She saw something negative in each and everything he did. And he seemed to realize this as well because he never missed an opportunity to remind her with a knowing smirk or a scathing remark that Lindsay loved him best. Even though she knew that wasn’t true, that she had no reason to doubt Lindsay’s love for her, she always read a taunt in Brian’s demeanor. And her contempt for the choices he made in his own life continued to germinate in her brain year after year.
Seeing him break on that fateful night had been a staggering eye-opener.
Melanie knew she couldn’t go back and change anything in the past. But she could try to make things a little bit easier for the future. She had no idea how Brian was going to take this change, but she was determined to do her part. Just as Brian had done his ten years ago.
This year, they’d invited the whole gang to spend Christmas and New Year in Toronto with them. Perhaps it was the fact that everyone, in particular Brian and Justin, needed a break from the recent events, but Melanie was thankful that all of them –even Ted and Emmett and Jennifer– had agreed. Most of the couples were booked into various hotels around the city but the bulk of the time was still spent at home with them.
JR and Gus were of course overjoyed. They had their daddies and their Justin and their uncles and their Gramma Deb staying in their city for Christmas. They couldn’t ask for anything more.
And Melanie realized there was no better time to do what she and Lindz had agreed on than when they were all surrounded by people who loved them and supported them.
So it was on Christmas Eve that she found Brian standing next to the stairs, his back against the wall, as he watched the kids horsing around the Christmas tree in the living room. She handed him a mug of eggnog, and then stood next to him, sipping from her own mug.
He watched the contents of the mug with an exaggerated twist to his mouth, sniffed it suspiciously, and then huffed. "At least put in some whisky in it to make it a little edible."
"Shut up, Kinney," she said. "I’m here to call a truce."
He looked at her with practiced indifference. "Are you now?" But she could see some wariness in his eyes. Maybe it was a little strange but they hadn’t actually had much interaction since the whole drama unfolded. It was weird for her to take in this new view of Brian Kinney. She’d always been so blunt with him in the past. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act now.
But that was why she was here, to make an effort. She cleared her throat and looked into his eyes. "Yes. I think its time to let bygones be bygones. I feel we’ve always had this stupid---"
He cut her off. "It wasn’t always stupid."
She sighed. God, he could be so annoying. "Maybe not," she said. "But I feel... it needs to end now."
He snorted. "Come on, Marcus. Stop being nice to me. It doesn’t become you."
She stared at him. "You want me to be a bitch to you."
"Sure." He grinned. "Be true to yourself."
And she realized he was pulling her leg. This was another trial. To understood the wit of Brian Kinney. "Well, you haven’t been as fucking annoying as you normally are in a couple of months either." She raised her chin to him. "So I don’t know what to think."
"My apologies." Brian smiled. "I’ll try and revert back to my assholic ways as soon as possible."
"Good." She nodded and then looked up into his face. "But before you do that, I need to ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly."
She watched as he raised one brow. "Would that question concern a long discourse on carpet munching or the virtues of vagina sculptures at the Toronto gay and lesbian center?"
"No."
He shrugged. "Okay then."
She took a deep breath. "Did you..." she paused, licked her lips and found herself stumbling over words, "have you ever..."
"What?" The wariness was back in Brian’s eyes.
She swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. "Brian. Did you ever engage a lawyer to consult on child custody issues regarding Gus?" She watched the color drain from his face as he stared at her in silence, his eyes wide. "Brian?"
His mouth worked for a few seconds, his throat convulsing. "How?"
"The tunnels," she told him.
And that was all he needed. She watched the shadows fill his eyes as a hundred different emotions crossed his face, from fear to pain to anguish as the memories from that night assaulted him. But this wasn’t what she’d meant. She took a step towards him, rested a hand on his arm. "Brian."
"I never..." he stammered, his lips white, "it wasn’t supposed to..."
"Brian."
He shook his head. "I didn’t mean to..." his voice came out choked.
"Brian." She closed her fingers around his hand. "It’s okay if you did. I mean..." She felt her own throat constricting as she looked into his eyes. "I must’ve given you reason to feel that you needed that kind of protection."
He pressed his lips together, a frown on his face, his eyes wet. "I love Gus."
"I know."
"But I know you love him too." He looked into her eyes. "You’re his mother. After Lindsay, no one else would look after his well-being better than you." Melanie felt tears form in her eyes at his words. He saw the look on her face and said, "I believe that, Mel. I really do. I never meant to make you think that I doubted that or if I..."
She cut him off. "Brian, you don’t have to explain, okay?" She paused then sighed. "Truth is... I’ve been shitty to you plenty of times in the past. So if you felt you had to consult a lawyer to find out what your rights are as a parent, then that’s okay."
He shook his head. "We’ve both been shitty to each other. And it’s not about my rights. It’s about Gus’s happiness. If he’s happy then that’s all that matters. And I know he’s happy where he is."
She stared at him. "But he’s happier when he has access to you too." She watched his brows draw together. "I know you love him too, Brian. You’re his father. And if I wasn’t there, I know that after Lindz, you’d be the best thing for him." She picked up the folder she’d kept on the table behind her and opened it. "It’s not much but it’s a start." She handed him the document. "Lindz and I discussed this at great length and we’ve decided we wanted you to be Gus’ legal guardian when he visits you in the US." She watched his eyes widen as he skimmed through the small print. "Canadian law doesn’t allow three-way custody yet, but since you’re his birth father, you can be a guardian to him whenever he’s with you, and we have named you as the next of kin to get full custody should anything happen to either of us."
She watched him flip the pages, his lips pressed together, his eyes poring over the words. She watched his throat convulse. "After everything that happened," his voice was thin, "you trust me to take care of Gus?"
She felt a ghost of a smile form at the corners of her lips. "Who am I going to trust more than the man who didn’t hesitate to come running into a burning stable to save his son’s life?"
He kept his eyes on the pages as he shook his head. "I don’t..." He bit his lips. "I don’t deserve this."
And she stepped closer and wrapped an arm around him. "This is nothing, Brian. If we could find another provision to give you equal rights as a parent, we’d do it."
She felt him take in a shaky breath as he hugged her back awkwardly. "It’s not about my---"
She laughed. "I know. It’s about Gus’s happiness. "
And when she looked up from his shoulder, she watched Lindsay standing with Justin in the kitchen door, tears in her eyes. Justin looked both stunned and happy at the same time and on the verge of tears himself.
Then Brian noticed them and with a murmured thank you, he pulled away and Lindsay came forward to envelop him in a hug. Melanie watched him kiss her wife on the mouth and for the first time in her life didn’t feel a twinge of jealousy at the sight. And then he was hugging Justin, his arms tight around him, his frame wracked with sobs and Melanie felt herself suddenly sagging with relief.
Relief that he had Justin to take care of him. That they had each other. That they were alive.
She knew she and Lindz had made the right decision. This was the first step. A new beginning.
For all of them.
**********
The End
Entry word count: 1983
For Story Notes, click here.
Now on to Entry 24:
Epilogue
In law, while developing case histories with critical raw data being fed through the organizational information net, one learnt to try and avoid forming blind spots.
Blind spots originated from many different things, most of which were a combination of both factual content and false assumptions. Personal taboos got enmeshed into the over all culture of the firm. Biases formed when information appeared which went against individual expectations. Raw data filtered through the organizational net sometimes got altered to a fundamentally deviant form by the time it reached the information pool. All of this contributed to the blind spot phenomena. If not caught early, it affected the ultimate direction the case proceedings took.
Melanie realized real life was not much different from case history strategizing, because she tended to form blind spots in her personal views all the freaking time.
She supposed it was an evidence of her humanity. She was flawed, she had biases, she harbored fears. Combine that with a mélange of real life experiences and fears germinating only in her subconscious, and you had a surefire recipe for forming tunnel vision and blind spots.
She’d always had strong opinions and she’d always clicked with people with strong opinions. That was one of the reasons why she’d fallen for Lindsay in the first place. They’d been together for sixteen years now—in love and pain and ecstasy and marriage and breakups and reunions and fallouts.
And that’s how long she’d known Brian Kinney.
He’d exasperated her from first sight. He was too arrogant, too overconfident, too selfish, and too much of a smart ass to be worthy of her trust. He took too many risks and all too often directed the lives of everyone around him like they were puppets on a string. He was irresponsible and hideously smug about his notorious exploits with no evidence of regret ever over any of his wrongdoings.
And Lindsay adored him. She worshiped him and defended him and wanted him to be an integral part of her life no matter what the cost. So when Lindsay asked him to give her a baby, and insisted on it despite Melanie’s strong objections, she knew she’d never be able to get rid of Brian. Never be able to underscore his influence in Lindsay’s decisions. He was too far ingrained into their lives to ever go away. He was the thorn in her side she couldn’t pull out no matter how hard she tried.
She now realized he’d always been her one blind spot.
Everything about him was torment to her. His love for Gus, his support for Lindsay, his influence over their family. She saw something negative in each and everything he did. And he seemed to realize this as well because he never missed an opportunity to remind her with a knowing smirk or a scathing remark that Lindsay loved him best. Even though she knew that wasn’t true, that she had no reason to doubt Lindsay’s love for her, she always read a taunt in Brian’s demeanor. And her contempt for the choices he made in his own life continued to germinate in her brain year after year.
Seeing him break on that fateful night had been a staggering eye-opener.
Melanie knew she couldn’t go back and change anything in the past. But she could try to make things a little bit easier for the future. She had no idea how Brian was going to take this change, but she was determined to do her part. Just as Brian had done his ten years ago.
This year, they’d invited the whole gang to spend Christmas and New Year in Toronto with them. Perhaps it was the fact that everyone, in particular Brian and Justin, needed a break from the recent events, but Melanie was thankful that all of them –even Ted and Emmett and Jennifer– had agreed. Most of the couples were booked into various hotels around the city but the bulk of the time was still spent at home with them.
JR and Gus were of course overjoyed. They had their daddies and their Justin and their uncles and their Gramma Deb staying in their city for Christmas. They couldn’t ask for anything more.
And Melanie realized there was no better time to do what she and Lindz had agreed on than when they were all surrounded by people who loved them and supported them.
So it was on Christmas Eve that she found Brian standing next to the stairs, his back against the wall, as he watched the kids horsing around the Christmas tree in the living room. She handed him a mug of eggnog, and then stood next to him, sipping from her own mug.
He watched the contents of the mug with an exaggerated twist to his mouth, sniffed it suspiciously, and then huffed. "At least put in some whisky in it to make it a little edible."
"Shut up, Kinney," she said. "I’m here to call a truce."
He looked at her with practiced indifference. "Are you now?" But she could see some wariness in his eyes. Maybe it was a little strange but they hadn’t actually had much interaction since the whole drama unfolded. It was weird for her to take in this new view of Brian Kinney. She’d always been so blunt with him in the past. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act now.
But that was why she was here, to make an effort. She cleared her throat and looked into his eyes. "Yes. I think its time to let bygones be bygones. I feel we’ve always had this stupid---"
He cut her off. "It wasn’t always stupid."
She sighed. God, he could be so annoying. "Maybe not," she said. "But I feel... it needs to end now."
He snorted. "Come on, Marcus. Stop being nice to me. It doesn’t become you."
She stared at him. "You want me to be a bitch to you."
"Sure." He grinned. "Be true to yourself."
And she realized he was pulling her leg. This was another trial. To understood the wit of Brian Kinney. "Well, you haven’t been as fucking annoying as you normally are in a couple of months either." She raised her chin to him. "So I don’t know what to think."
"My apologies." Brian smiled. "I’ll try and revert back to my assholic ways as soon as possible."
"Good." She nodded and then looked up into his face. "But before you do that, I need to ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly."
She watched as he raised one brow. "Would that question concern a long discourse on carpet munching or the virtues of vagina sculptures at the Toronto gay and lesbian center?"
"No."
He shrugged. "Okay then."
She took a deep breath. "Did you..." she paused, licked her lips and found herself stumbling over words, "have you ever..."
"What?" The wariness was back in Brian’s eyes.
She swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. "Brian. Did you ever engage a lawyer to consult on child custody issues regarding Gus?" She watched the color drain from his face as he stared at her in silence, his eyes wide. "Brian?"
His mouth worked for a few seconds, his throat convulsing. "How?"
"The tunnels," she told him.
And that was all he needed. She watched the shadows fill his eyes as a hundred different emotions crossed his face, from fear to pain to anguish as the memories from that night assaulted him. But this wasn’t what she’d meant. She took a step towards him, rested a hand on his arm. "Brian."
"I never..." he stammered, his lips white, "it wasn’t supposed to..."
"Brian."
He shook his head. "I didn’t mean to..." his voice came out choked.
"Brian." She closed her fingers around his hand. "It’s okay if you did. I mean..." She felt her own throat constricting as she looked into his eyes. "I must’ve given you reason to feel that you needed that kind of protection."
He pressed his lips together, a frown on his face, his eyes wet. "I love Gus."
"I know."
"But I know you love him too." He looked into her eyes. "You’re his mother. After Lindsay, no one else would look after his well-being better than you." Melanie felt tears form in her eyes at his words. He saw the look on her face and said, "I believe that, Mel. I really do. I never meant to make you think that I doubted that or if I..."
She cut him off. "Brian, you don’t have to explain, okay?" She paused then sighed. "Truth is... I’ve been shitty to you plenty of times in the past. So if you felt you had to consult a lawyer to find out what your rights are as a parent, then that’s okay."
He shook his head. "We’ve both been shitty to each other. And it’s not about my rights. It’s about Gus’s happiness. If he’s happy then that’s all that matters. And I know he’s happy where he is."
She stared at him. "But he’s happier when he has access to you too." She watched his brows draw together. "I know you love him too, Brian. You’re his father. And if I wasn’t there, I know that after Lindz, you’d be the best thing for him." She picked up the folder she’d kept on the table behind her and opened it. "It’s not much but it’s a start." She handed him the document. "Lindz and I discussed this at great length and we’ve decided we wanted you to be Gus’ legal guardian when he visits you in the US." She watched his eyes widen as he skimmed through the small print. "Canadian law doesn’t allow three-way custody yet, but since you’re his birth father, you can be a guardian to him whenever he’s with you, and we have named you as the next of kin to get full custody should anything happen to either of us."
She watched him flip the pages, his lips pressed together, his eyes poring over the words. She watched his throat convulse. "After everything that happened," his voice was thin, "you trust me to take care of Gus?"
She felt a ghost of a smile form at the corners of her lips. "Who am I going to trust more than the man who didn’t hesitate to come running into a burning stable to save his son’s life?"
He kept his eyes on the pages as he shook his head. "I don’t..." He bit his lips. "I don’t deserve this."
And she stepped closer and wrapped an arm around him. "This is nothing, Brian. If we could find another provision to give you equal rights as a parent, we’d do it."
She felt him take in a shaky breath as he hugged her back awkwardly. "It’s not about my---"
She laughed. "I know. It’s about Gus’s happiness. "
And when she looked up from his shoulder, she watched Lindsay standing with Justin in the kitchen door, tears in her eyes. Justin looked both stunned and happy at the same time and on the verge of tears himself.
Then Brian noticed them and with a murmured thank you, he pulled away and Lindsay came forward to envelop him in a hug. Melanie watched him kiss her wife on the mouth and for the first time in her life didn’t feel a twinge of jealousy at the sight. And then he was hugging Justin, his arms tight around him, his frame wracked with sobs and Melanie felt herself suddenly sagging with relief.
Relief that he had Justin to take care of him. That they had each other. That they were alive.
She knew she and Lindz had made the right decision. This was the first step. A new beginning.
For all of them.
**********
The End
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